


Addictions

by Scraps (Darkwolf5)



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-14
Updated: 2013-02-14
Packaged: 2017-11-29 07:55:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/684618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkwolf5/pseuds/Scraps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Plenty of people people have addictions, Sebastian is no exception. If he were to make a list it would probably look something like this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Addictions

Plenty of people people have addictions, Sebastian is no exception. If he were to make a list it would probably look something like this:

**1\. Smoking.**

He's smoked for years now, since he was a teenager, it's never really been something he's thought about it's just something he does. It's not to calm his nerves or to give his hands something to do (well maybe that one, just a little) it's a habit. A habit – and Seb has long come to terms with this - Jim (i hates), though Jim's the first person to express dislike that's ever actually made Seb think about it.

He doesn't stop though, no matter how much Jim goes on about side effects and how it’s a little bit gross, even when Jim bans him from smoking in the flat. There's just something about having a smoke after a successful hit that he's not willing to give up. But Jim really does hate it, which is why Seb's surprised to walk in on Jim sitting on the couch with a lit cigarette. Although to be fair Jim looks fairly unimpressed himself.

He stands startled in the doorway for a few seconds before unfreezing. There's something bizarrely  _wrong_  with the image and it has Seb strolling over and trying to take the cigarette from Jim who bats his hands away with a fierce frown.

Seb gives it up as a lost cause as Jim pulls him down onto the couch next to him by the wrist, fingers tight. 

"The fuck are you doing?"  Sebastian thinks it's a reasonable question.

"Well you’re always doing it, thought there must be some appeal.” And then, “Wanted to see how it tasted.”  Jim says looking at Seb with those unfathomably dark eyes and there's something in his voice that Seb recognizes instantly, the sort of tone that makes something hot and wanting uncoil inside of him - suddenly Jim's fingers around his wrist feel burning hot rather than inhumanly cool.

"Any good?" His voice has dropped unintentionally lower then it was before and he's surprised to find himself with a lap full of Jim. Jim who takes a drag from the cigarette and kisses Seb hard, sharing the smoke between them like air.

"Tastes like you." Jim says when he finally pulls back, and there's something oddly erotic about the way smoke looks when it's sliding past Jim's lips in a thin grey cloud. Seb swallows hard, tangling a hand into Jim's hair and pulling him back in closer.

"Thought it was a dirty habit, causes cancer." Seb says with some amusement, before kissing Jim again, softer, taking his time and when he pulls back Jim is smiling at him, but there's some soft emptiness to it that makes Seb's insides twist unpleasantly.

"If you get it then I want it too." Jim murmurs the words between them like a confession, their lips millimetres apart, and he means it - Seb realizes – and if that’s not fucked up then he doesn’t know what is. It’s a little bit too much and more than a bit not good and he finds himself pulling away but Jim doesn’t let him, swoops in for another kiss instead.  He tastes sweet behind the smoke.

Seb doesn't even know what's bought this on, Jim's moods have always been lost on him, but he wants to get it – all the dark mood swings and the twisted sort of sweetness- but Jim is hot against him and his mouth washes away the doubts before they have time to settle.

So he’s addicted to smoking, and nothing’s happened yet to make him want to stop.

**2.** **Danger**

It’s a cold frosty morning and Seb is standing in the middle of a dark and empty park with the sun just starting to rise behind him. The wind whips past and cuts through his worn out jacket and he shivers. It’s a bit early to be up and about, but then it’s not a normal sort of morning.

It’s the morning he meets James Moriarty for the first time, the world’s most dangerous criminal (or so they say).  He supposes he should be more worried then he is.  

Jim rises up out of the dark in his suit, all clean cut and knife sharp, a knowing smirk plastered across a startlingly normal face.  His eyes are dark – though – and there’s a glint in them that makes Seb’s heart beat just a little harder.

Jim had promised him the world that morning, standing close, a well dressed devil promising all the money he could ever need, but it was only when Jim had leant in and whispered of the dangers and the violence- whispered cool threats with the icy clouds of his breath - that Seb had accepted, blood thumping in his ears and eyes hot with excitement.  

Jim is by far the scariest thing he’s ever faced and he’s followed wounded tigers down drains – has got the scars to prove it, but then he’s got some of them from Jim too. Has given a few himself.

Despite that he would gladly put his life on the line for Jim, go to almost any lengths, It scares the hell out of him but the idea of giving it up for some boring life full of shit telly and office jobs scares him more and he wouldn't give up what he’s got for the world.

It's only much later that Jim mentions it to him almost casually, corners Seb like he often does with the warm lilt of his voice and explains that he's known him utterly and completely from the very start,  right down to the things he didn't know himself. Seb’s always been addicted to the danger, the rush, to the close calls, and Jim kindles that spark into a flame just because he can. Seb doesn’t even begin to complain because he’s always playing with fire when it comes to Jim.

**3\. Sex**

Seb’s slept with more people than he can count, women, men, he’s never been picky. Sex is something he’s (i good) at. The soft slides of skin, the sharp sting of nail and teeth. It’s nice to feel wanted.

He’s not ashamed of his body -  even for all of his scars - and he sees no shame in sharing it, but it’s still odd to stack up his many encounters against Jim’s which seem to be few if any at all apart from him (but then how would he know?) .  Because Jim is just – fuck.

He’s quite happily given up a life of one night stands for nights full of Jim, and he can’t get enough. The need is still there, a slow burn under his skin that lights up under Jim’s tongue or fingers, or when he’s got Jim pressed down beneath him all lines and angles and dark eyes you could drown in. He doesn’t think anyone else could cut it now, not really, he’s been ruined by Jim and all his soft gasps and the noises he makes when all the walls have been stripped away till it’s just them with skin plastered together and bodies tangled around each other.

Obviously with Jim it’s more than just the sex – for Seb anyway – of course it is. It’s not something he could admit because he doesn’t know if Jim feels the same way, doubts he does, so he tries to keep it buried, but every now and again it bubbles to the surface in soft touches and gentle kisses pressed to Jim’s skin like promises.

Which of course leads to -

**4\. Jim**

Because he is completely and thoroughly addicted to James Moriarty.  Always has been, right from the very start, addicted to everything about him. His look, his voice, the dark, dangerous thing that crawls like venom just beneath his skin...

He  kills for Jim, would die for Jim a million times over – He could sink into Jim’s skin and tattoo himself there and just be happy to be allowed to be that close all the time.

Jims mind is a thing of twisted brambles and maths equations Seb could never understand, science and sharp bloody corners, something Seb could dedicate his life to trying to unravel without ever really dipping past the surface. But he does, sometimes, get through the shell. Jim has moments where the sweetness feels real or the way Jim buries himself in Seb’s neck with that sad look on his face feels like a genuine plea for the comfort of someone else’s arms. It could all be faked of course, another clever way to play a sniper who’s in far out of his depth, but it’s enough to keep Seb tethered tight to Jim and unwilling to quit him.

So Jim’s death is like a knife in his gut, snapping through the binds and the needs and the wants that come with Jim, and throws him hurtling and shocked into an abyss of _Jimlessness_.

It knocks the air from his lungs like the coldest of winters and freezes the warmth inside of him to an ice he can't shatter. It doesn't quite seem real. 

Seb glances down at the cigarette between his fingers and blows a cloud of warm smoke across the rooftop. Next to him Jim lays silent. People have already been called in to clear up the mess and he closes his eyes tight shut against the memories, he hopes this is some sort of sick joke but this is a bit much, even for Jim.  He thought he’d be by Jim’s side till the day he died, he didn’t think it would be quite so soon, always thought they’d go together.

In his mouth the cigarette is just the bitter taste of ash. 

**Author's Note:**

> Writing practice. MorMor is my favorite pairing. I don’t like writing sad things, how did this happen? Scuse me while I go back to my fluffy OOC Moriarty and Moran adopt a kitten fanfic. There were going to be a couple more things in this list but I cut them because they didn't fit all that well, which is why it's only 4 long when I'd aimed for 5. Concrit is always welcome and appreciated – god knows I need it!


End file.
